Just A Dream

There were times before that i dreamt of you,  that we were together. "Atlast! we're together now and I just want to hold you so tight, forever by my side and never let me go!"  That feeling that you don't want to end.. just to be with you and that's all I want. Those hugs and touch of yours that i felt, I know that it was you being with me. "pananabik" feeling I get when i see you in my dreams...

Until now, you're still in my mind and just can't get you off of out my mind! No matter what I do, it just comes naturally. I don't understand this feeling of me towards you, it's just the feeling is familiar. You don't know me but it seems like I know you so well, you don't even know I exist or think of you but I DO! You don't even know how much I wanted to see you, to hold you and be by my side.
You just perfectly fit into my eyes and my heart just want you so so so bad! But i know, this feeling is wrong.. it's all wrong! You love someone else and I'm just too far compared to her. And we have our own. Someone owns me and you belong to her. Ang daming HINDI, you don't even know me;) if i know, you'll just snob me whenever we'll meet somewhere out there! Cause you don't even know me, for you i'm just a stranger and nothing to you. AND you could just be my EVERYTHING..

" I just wanna hold you,
 I just wanna kiss you,
 I just wanna love you all my life..."                

-BY MY SIDE <3-                                      

 
Looking at your pictures, just remind me of everything from the past, all the THOUGHTS i had, that it was you I was loving about:) I just can't resist you, what's with you and I'm just this crazy?! O.O
I ain't like this to someone whose taken and just so unreachable! ohh, just wishing that you'll be mine someday, I know it's near to impossible but if you believe it could be!:) (PAG-ASA, TIWALA LANG)OKAAY!! just dreaming, hoping, wishing, praying. or whatsoever!!

BUT. . .

Atleast in my dreams you could be mine, and it's enough with me already. We may not know each other, but alteast in my dreams we can be together and everything is INFINITE there.
(It's just because I want to sleep na and I want to end this story, even though i have so much to say pa! Lez end this bi! :] ) and if tonight you'll be with me in my dreams, i just don't want to end it.

"In my dreams you are mine, but in reality you're just a dream"
-I DUNNO THE AUTHOR, in short ANONYMOUS.xD-


*inspired by someone na naging part na ng MIND ko for a long period of time ( a year perhaps) alteast, it made me happy some part of my life, hoping to see him in the near future. Even just a glance of him is fine with me :"> well, for now he's somewhat like my INSPIRATION, CRUSH and IDEAL looks XD.. K! :) goodnight na oyy!! way lingaw bah.. i just remember you:">*

After all. . .

Finding out the truth is never that easy, but it would be easy if you would just accept it. Then it would be easy to move on... Do you know what it feels like to be fooled by someone? I bet if you're in my position right now you'll go crazy insane! That feeling you thought it would last forever, but it will never be, when you thought that face that's in your mind for a very long time is the one you're communicating with.. BUT.. so unfortunate enough that it wasn't him:) That face in my mind, every part of him that i think of everyday WAS OVER. When i knew the truth that it was fake, it drove me confusingly if I'm just dreaming or what. But I know it's the reality, reality that i must face on. 

I was so confused at that time, he didn't even bother to explain or talk to me when I found out the truth! So then I spread the truth. But I shouldn't have said it.. i feel so guilty for destroying him to other people, in fact i know he is not that evil. I'm one in his life that understands him more than anything else. But I can't get those words back anymore, I'll just wait the time to pass by and forget everything that happened. I just want to move on from the past, not by forgetting him but forgetting all the terrible happenings. For I believe people can change. for i know in his heart, there is still a smooth part there that could change him. 

In-spite of all the things he have done to me, i know in my heart that I forgive him. Let's just say that people commit mistakes and we're imperfect. But it takes a little time to prove himself again to me,
even if I still have this feelings.. I'm trying to control it. To hide my real feelings, for I know I'm in confusion. I just wanted to see him, the way he looks, the way he smiles, everything on him. Maybe if I could ever see him, I can figure out my real feelings. That maybe... maybe it's not the face that i'm after before, that i didn't fall physically but emotionally attached with him. Even if I don't know how he looks like, my feelings are still there. Nothing changed as of now, but I'm kinda nervous and excited to see the REAL him. The moment that I've been waiting for so long.. i know it's very near.
that i would ever see him in my eyes.

AFTER ALL that we've been through, i know soon things would be fixed for the both of us. I don't know where will we go, it's either to be strangers, friends or more than that again. We just don't know.. all i need is a little time to know him more. People will just call me I'm STUPID but everyone deserves a chance. For I know the sincerity in his heart, it's just that he's not that strong enough.
Now, I'm just observing everything.. for what is REAL and NOT.  :)


"JUST EXPRESSING ^.^"

iExpress (first POST)

HELLO! i don't know where or how to start this one, this is my first blog and i'll just put what i feel here this day. I'm just influenced by a friend of mine to post some blogs. Well gotta try, maybe this would be my hobby soon if i'm gonna like it :)

The moment i wake up this morning, i feel the "HEAVINESS" inside my heart.. i'm just depressed for what happened last night with my so called "lover?" or whatsoever. i'm just so effin stupid to feel this way out of my control! "pinagdududahan" ko lang naman siya the other night bcoz some of his GM's are just "nakakapagtaka".. so inside my mind i was thinking.. " may iba kaya siyang nagugustuhan?" bakit ganun mga GM niya somewhat like " dont be STUPID, you know i love you" "i act like i dont care but deep inside im HURT" FUDGE! i just don't know what to think or what?! :( i know that it wasn't me coz that time we're so okay. so dahil doon my fears came back, i'm afraid again that i would be hurt and it would be so deep for this time i do love him more unlike before. I'm afraid that he might fall in love to other 'GAL' better than me. i'm just a girl..simplest of the simplest girl, i have nothing to show or boast off, i don't have any talent or skills, i'm not that smart, and i'm not sexy. There are many girls outta there who's better than me, we are not in the same level, like LANGIT siya LUPA ako. He's a guy that every gir wants, smart, talented, well he came from a prominent and rich family, and of course he is handsome. compared to me i feel like "we are not BAGAY" :( it just makes me so low to think. But i'm lucky enough to have him, of all the girls chasing on him " OH WELL, YES TOO MANY OF THEM AND i have many  KARIBALS dude!" i was the one who he fells to. I don't know what i did to him that he fall for me too. Even if i don't express much on him, he still continues to love me, i know i've been a problem to him because he had a hard time handling me. he always told me of all the girls he had i was the TOUGHEST AND HARDEST he had ever encounter, he makes a lot of effort just to prove it to me. But the problem is myself, sometimes i have doubts and hesitations towards him. maybe because of what had happened in the past. i know that he regretted for playing with me before that's why i'm kinda BITTER to him sometimes and he thought i DON'T TRUST HIM. i've tried to
bring back my trust on him, but it's just so hard sometimes, specially if i feel there's something not right.-___-

this is getting long huh.. out nako sa topic ko :) i have so much to say and just can't say everything here..
limited time lang. maybe if i have my free time i'll write our whole story here:)

and NOW... i just can't get him rid off out of my mind! for i was thinking the whole day on what to do, if i should text him and make things better.. or just do it the other day. i'm afraid he might not accept me for i hurt him again for making him feel i don't trust him. wish me luck! i really hope so things would be better between us ASAP! for i can't take this anymore.. i just can't live without him. i remember he told me last night, i'll just text his uncle's phone if i will need him already and if i have trust on him na-____-.. whut thee.. why should it be in his Tito's CP -___- OA namn kasi, ibblik na niya ang phone na hiniram niya sa bestfriend niya :(  i'll just end my speech here for i have to do some things pa :)

i'm kinda relieved here for expressing myself. oh my PAPA'S here..BYE!! :D